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Weight Loss - Dating After Weight Loss Surgery: A Look into

Sunday, June 17th, 2007 Subscribe To Our Feed

Dating After Weight Loss Surgery: A Look into a Secret Social Playground

Tip! However, deeper down in psychological space, other factors are at play, as new research into addictive behavior suggests. Thinking that their days of body image phobia and obesity are now over following weight loss surgery, perhaps 30% or more of men and women increasingly discover that something deeper remains, namely the drive towards any-and-all addictions.

For younger weight loss surgery patients meeting and dating someone is a great motivator to lose weight. This is natural: we are a species that mates, often for life. But we are a picky species seeking the prettiest and brightest for our mate. That’s why many of us who grew up overweight feel rejected by the species.

Overweight children who become overweight adults almost universally say they did not date during their teenage years. Too fat. Too shy. Fear of rejection. We want to think our society has evolved beyond the superficial, that we will be loved for who we are inside. Do you remember your mother saying, “Pretty on the inside is what counts.” I heard that often and it confirmed what I already knew, I wasn’t one of the pretty people.

Tip! Explore additional weight loss surgery, binge eating disorder therapies, as well as natural options for managing brain health and moods while promoting natural rest and life cycles.

Studies confirm that our evolved species is jaundiced against the overweight. Nowhere is this more evident than in the dating and mating of young people. One LivingAfterWLS community member, Connie*, now a svelte size 6 at age 30 told me, “As a teenager it never occurred to me that I would go on a date. I knew I didn’t qualify because I was fat. I simply accepted the fact that I was fat, unworthy and ugly simply because I weighed more than the girls my age.” She went through high school and college never dating.

I saw pictures of Connie in high school. She was a pretty teenager and a bit chubby. But she perceived herself as ugly and unworthy. Did she make herself unreachable by hiding in her obesity and self-loathing? Or did a prejudice society cause her to retreat within herself? Perhaps a little of both.

Girls Gone Wild

Tip! The American Society for Bariatric surgery outlines two approaches to weight loss surgery. The first involves restrictive procedures, which reduce the amount of food a person can eat at one time by creating a new, smaller stomach pouch.

When the same people who suffered this rejection and self loathing through adolescence lose weight they often report a euphoria as they enter the world of “the normal.” Connie told me, “When I realized I had a thin body to match my “pretty face” I moved in on that feeling and went wild making up for lost time. I became a flirt and a charmer, a real tart. Suddenly I was one of the girls I used to hate, the kind who never buys her own drink or dinner, the girl who is the social hub of the office. I told myself life isn’t fair and for such a long time I was on the rejection side of unfair, now it was my time to take. At last I was a member of the secret society of pretty people.”

Weight loss surgery counselors report this is not uncommon, though they suspect more patients experience this euphoria than just those who are talking about it. One counselor for a renowned bariatric center told me, “You know who they are when they come for their follow-up. They are wearing sassy clothes and they have hairstyles and make-up. These are the girls we saw a year before in bib-overalls without make-up wearing their hair in a ponytail. Now they’ve lost this weight and blossomed into gorgeous women and they are on the prowl making up for lost time.”

Tip! * Improvement of Obesity-Related Health Conditions: For many people, the improvement in their overall health, following weight loss surgery, is just as important as the weight loss itself. And for good reason: people who have suffered from debilitating obesity-related conditions (such as diabetes) for years often experience tremendous improvements within a short period of time.

Post-op Romeos

Counselors tell me it’s not just the women who transform. This counselor has seen her share of “post-op Romeos.” Overweight men are notoriously the “funny guy” who is loud and often the brunt of the joke. Evan*, a WLS-Romeo told me, “I used to make the fat joke before someone else did.” Evan was wearing tailored trousers, a perfectly pressed shirt and tasseled loafers. He was indeed handsome. He said, “I never dated, never even considered it. Who would want to date a whale?” he asked poking fun at his former self. “Now I have ladies flocking to me and my motto - ‘Love them all.’ I’m not sure this [weight loss] is going to last so I’m not wasting any time. ‘Love them all’ ” he repeated.

*Names changed per request of the subjects.

Tip! After undergoing band weight loss surgery, you may need to stay in the hospital for a few days to recover. During this time, you will be trained how to use your new stomach.

An award winning journalist and former newspaper editor Kaye Bailey brings expertise in writing and personal experience with gastric bypass surgery to EzineArticles.com. Kaye Bailey is the founder of LivingAfterWLS, an online market driven social space evoking feelings of comfort, understanding, knowledge, warmth, acceptance, trust and happiness. LivingAfterWLS LivingAfterWLS Blog

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